Last night served as an initiation into mommihood for me. First night with a sick kid. Solomon has been fighting congestion since we've taken him home. It is just a symptom of life in Port-au-Prince for most thanks to the dust and pollution in the air. But last night he got really quiet--strangely so. A fever spiked, then the vomiting and diarrhea began. The doctor-with-too-much-information in me started worrying. He felt dry, hot and I jumped to all the most irrational conclusions... he has malaria, meningitis, typhoid. All the reasons that I hesitated being a mom in Haiti came to the forefront of my mind in the darkness of night. The differential diagnosis is so much more broad here where malaria rides on a mosquito bite, diarrhea in a sip of bad water.
After reassuring myself with an exam that told me he was doing ok, I practiced all the "advice" I've been handing out for years to my patients without any real-life trial. It was a long night, but we got through it. Now I know why my mom has always said, "you'll never understand what its like to be a mom until..."
I have to admit despite all the internal panic, a part of me last night was happy to recognize a panicky, irrational, worried mother instead of just a caretaker. We see Solomon's mother every two weeks, and I've struggled with feeling like I have a claim as a Mom to the little man. But last night, it was all instinct and emotion. Can't reason that away. And I was happy for it.
Now Solomon is asleep on my lap after moving from his asleep position on my chest. He seems better today, but certainly not back to normal. I've attempted to put him down 3 times, and each time he cries an abandoned cry... so its a no go. But the daylight brings perspective. Now I hold him and hope that our TLC will get him through this first of many "sick days" he's likely to have. I'm glad he is here, with us, able to have one-on-one care. And as he sleeps in my arms, I take note, now with worry abated, of what a lucky mom I am to get to care for this little guy, in sickness and in health.
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